- No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
- When money talks, the criminal walks.
- I'm not getting older...I'm getting bitter.
- Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw.
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- I'm as confused as a termite in a yo-yo.
- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
- INSTANT HUMAN (Just Add Coffee)
- Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
- Is it time for your medication or mine?
- When all else fails manipulate the data.
- All computers wait at the same speed
- How do I set the laser printer to stun?
- How do you get off a non-stop flight?
- If we quit voting will they all go away?
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
- How come night falls but day breaks?
- All stressed out and no one to choke
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it
- Exceptions always outnumber rules
- I may not be perfect, but I'm all I got
- Anything not nailed down is a cat toy
- Adults are just kids who owe money
- Constipated people don't give a crap
- Never miss a good chance to shut up
- How can there be self-help groups?
- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable
- "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy
- I like feminists; I think they're cute
- Guilt -- the gift that keeps on giving
- Out of Body. Back in Five Minutes
- BIGAMIST --- A heavy fog in Italy
- The best things in life aren't things
- Does killing time damage eternity?
- Have a nice day. . . somewhere else
- Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that
good.
- I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes
- Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
- Everyone is entitled to my opinion
- I've got the ship, you've got the harbour ... what say we tie up
for the night?
- That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant
- If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just
practice?
- If it ain't chocolate, it ain't dessert
- I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!
- Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm
going to have to ask you to assume
the position.
- Darling, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions
to your house.
- Can I flirt with you?
- Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
- Be unique and different, just say yes.
- Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.
- Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
- First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the
suffering.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
- Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Justice: A decision in your favor
- Do not disturb. Already disturbed
- A waist is a terrible thing to mind
- Demons are a Ghouls best Friend
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- Strip mining prevents forest fires
- Today's subliminal message is . . .
- Relax, its only Ones and Zeros
- I don't get even . . . . . I get odder
- The older I get, the older old is
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- A closed mouth gathers no feet
- Allow me to introduce my selves
- Do witches run spell checkers?
- A feature is a bug with seniority
- If it's too loud, you're too old
- Do pilots take crash-courses?
- Born free . . . Taxed to death
- If it ain't broke, fix it until it is
- We do precision guesswork
- Nothing succeeds like excess
- Common sense isn't common
- Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the
key.
- Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the
river.
- Celibacy is not hereditary
- Familiarity breeds children
- What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
- Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait,
hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...
- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
- Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.
- I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms
gossip.
- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I
think I've forgotten this before.
- Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and
mental illness.
- If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
- It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With
ahunting knife. And he ran into me.
Backwards. 17 times.
- We will now upgrade your brain, please
wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found
- You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid
enough to worry.
- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
- Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the
subject.
- If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit
next to me
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
- My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
- Mind intentionally left blank...
- Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil
me.
- There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through
suitable application of high explosives.
- The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
- I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
- You may be recognized soon. Hide.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is
stupid.
- Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???
- Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
- I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up
for the night?
- I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.
- Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
- Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
- A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
-
- In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's
the only shop you can go into and ask the
assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.
- What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked
into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start
anything.
- Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
- Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
- Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
- Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.
- I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your
back...! Nice Ass.
- How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes
away!
- Nope.....u still ugly!
- It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open
your mouth and prove it.
- On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the
disconnect key.
- The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the
second half by our children.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were
negative.
- Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
- Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
- How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO
and the FBI went after him.
- Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom
factory.
- I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an
Erikson, sucked me til my face went
- Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
- Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
- A: There is a stamp on it.
- This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb
to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you
- Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
- 370HSSV 0773H
- Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.
- FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete,
now searching.....still
- searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.
- Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious,
friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?
- How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
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